I'm Pretty Sure My WHOLE Neighborhood Thinks We're Dysfunctional

Yesterday was one of those days. It started off at 6 a.m. and went down hill from there. The night before I didn't get much sleep due to the fact that I was up till 11:30 p.m. watching LOST. Hey, it was the finale!!! And I LOVE that show, so I stayed up. Let me tell ya something....I need 8 hours of sleep. NEED!! So yeah, I was pretty much exhausted when I dragged myself out of bed. Got up, made breakfast, dropped, spilled and broke everything I touched, Lola woke up screaming, Lex wasn't listening and I was exhausted. Did I mention I was exhausted? Well I WAS!! Finally I just said..."Snap out of it, Nina! You have things to do!!!" That is exactly what I did, too. I put a smile on my face, fed the kids, cleaned the kitchen, folded clothes, put said clothing away, made beds....etc....etc! 8 a.m. rolled around and it was time to take the dogs out. At this point I'm feeling pretty confident in my abilities and thought it would be a good idea to get the kids dressed and take them out with me. I put Lola on my shoulders (O_O) and reminded Lex to not kick/chase the dogs and off we went! Of course I had to repeatedly yell "Lex stop chasing the dogs! Don't kick Lucy! Leave them alone, they're trying to potty!!!" and so on and so forth. My poor dogs. I feel so bad for them. :( They take it in stride, or is it take it and ruuuuuuuun! They are always running from Lex. At least they're getting exercise, right? Anyway. We're out there, me with Lola on my shoulders and Lex chasing the dogs, I'm picking up poo and yelling every few seconds and I just know my neighbors are like..."That woman yells too much!" Finally everyone was done "doin' their business" and I was ready to herd them all back inside when it happened.......the mail lady showed up. Oh my goodness the drama!!! Dogs barking, chasing the mail lady, Lex screaming chasing the dogs and me dropping the pooper scooper and running after them with Lola on my shoulders and me yelling "SH*T! SH*T! No PUPPIES!! LEX NO!!!" then it happened.....Lola joined in and started yelling "SH*T! SH*T! PUPPIES COME BACK!!!" O_O "NO, LOLA! NO!! Don't say that!" is all I kept yelling and she just kept on. By time I caught up to the dogs, Lex and the mail lady I was done. I was hot, sweaty, tired and ready for a nap. I chatted with the mail lady for a second, got everyone to head for the house and as I was walking in the door I happened to look up at my neighbors' yard and there they were, Mary & Phil trying very hard not to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness that they had just witnessed. Needless to say......I think they think we're either dysfunctional or hilarious. Probably both. I'll just add this to the "Embarrassing Mommy Moments" book I plan on writing.

The MOST Embarrassing Mommy Moment Ever!

I am the Mommy of 3 wonderful children. Raven is 14, Lex will be 4 soon and Lola will be 2 in June. But to say that parenting has been a "pleasure" this entire time would not be the entire truth. I was a single Mother with Raven, so I took her every where with me.......even the public restrooms. This is where I learned that you can not control life. Things will just happen. When she was almost 3 I took her to the mall to buy some new clothes. Nothing new, she went with me every where! I don't know what happened on this trip that changed her, but something happened. I remember that we were at the shoe store, I believe it was BAKER'S, when she said she had to pee. No biggie! We were in full force potty training and I was used to the frequent bathroom trips. While I was helping her potty I realized that I had to go, too. So when she was done I said to her...."Raven, I have to use the bathroom, too. So please just stand there while I go." This was nothing new to us. We had done this a million other times and she was such a good girl!!! This time, not so much. She started talking about things that made me blush!! There were other people in there and she was talking about "the color of my undies, the way my pee sounded, why I was hovering over the toilet and not sitting on it, why my butt looked SOOO BIG, why did my pee stink so bad, and why was my butt bleeding?!?!?!?!" Oh my f'ing gawd I wanted to die. I could hear the other women laughing. It was horrible! That's the day I truly became a MOMMY!

Fast forward 11 or so years. Now, I KNOW that it's coming......the inappropriate bathroom talk. But nothing can prepare you for it. Just yesterday I took my darling son to Chuck-E-Cheese's while my teenager got her hair done. Of course while we were there he had to use the bathroom! I went with him, helped him out, but then the sight of him urinating made me had to go, too. I looked at him and said...."Lex, Mommy really needs to use the bathroom, too. Can you please come with me and wait while I go?" He, of course, is more than willing to do ask I asked him to do. While I'm doing my business he's standing there staring at me, which I'm used to, but then he moves to the rear of me and is staring at my behind! I said..."Uhm, Lex, what are you doing? Please come stand by the door." which he replies as loudly as he can "WOW!! Mommy!! Your BUTT is peeing!!! But don't worry, there is no poop or blood coming out of your butt. Just pee!!!" -_- Oh joy!! Did I mention that it's school vacation here and the place was packed?!? Honestly though, it didn't bother me as much as it did the first time Mom washing her and her little girl's hands. HAH! The look was priceless! I just kept thinking......"You just wait. Your daughter is only 2. Wait till she's 3 and she's not only purposely testing you but she's also talking about your vagina in public. I just smiled and said....."Kids! They really do say the craziest things!!" We washed our hands and left Chuck-E-Cheese and I was never happier.

I know there are more embarrassing things to come and I'm ready for them! My husband? Not so much. :) He'll survive though. Just look at me, I survived. And believe me when I say that my teenager said some pretty crazy things when she was little.