Fine....Just Don't Call Me Grandma

So my teenager is having a baby. But don't worry, "she's 18 years old and knows what she's doing". -_- She met a boy, fell in love and BAM! That's it, they NEEDED to have a baby. Like, right now. So yeah, they made the choice to do this, and now this is due in April. Actually, her name is Mila Jean. Thankfully they chose a normal name and not something like Brooklyn or some other "lyn" version of a decent name someone decided wasn't good enough. Whatever. She is coming and there is nothing I can do about it. I was pissed when I first found out. I mean I was livid, I was "I never want to see you, that piece of shit boyfriend or that baby" pissed. Oh mouth, listening to anger before brain, haven't I told you about that?? Words that I wish I had spoken just a bit differently. Hey, I have the right to be angry. My teenage daughter, who is bipolar, on heavy meds, who makes very poor decisions all the time, had just gone and gotten pregnant on purpose and she quit school. I mean....what could go wrong???????? Everything. And being her mother, that is what I see.....everything going wrong. But, she is 18, in charge of her own life and self, she has the right to make her own decisions, even the bad ones, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. So I let go and accepted it, I don't like it, but I have to accept it. Just don't call me grandma.

Mom~

How Long Do I Have To Raise The Teenager?

Seriously, how long? She can check herself into the hospital without my consent. Her doctors don't have to tell me a thing about what's going on in her medical life. She can go behind my back and get pregnancy tests and STD tests and I can't say a thing about it. Well, I could, but legally I don't have the right to anymore. BUT, I have to deal with all her drama, attitude and mood swings. I'm not gonna lie, she has gotten a lot better since she started taking her meds regularly, but still, she's a teenager. A teenager with mental health issues. A teenager that thinks she's grown, but can't even do her own laundry or cook herself a meal without almost setting the house on fire. So yeah, she's a handful, to say the least. As far as getting her help goes, we're doing our best. Not easy when our insurance only covers certain doctors in certain towns, and those doctors aren't accepting new patients. Oh, and get this......she's still considered a child, so she has to see a pediatric psychiatrist. It's frustrating, it really is. Some days I just want to scream. Other days I actually find myself thinking that she should live with her grandmother if she hates me so damn much. Not that I would ever let that happen, but when you feel so helpless and beaten down by your own child, then you tend to think negative thoughts. Yesterday, I wanted to clean the porch so we could eat out there again, and the whole time out there I cried. I just let it all out. Weeks of stress and trouble with my teenager just flooded out of me, and it felt good. I've decided to do that more often, cry it out. I tend to hold things in, stand strong and don't let anything get me down. Sometimes though, I think it's best to let it out. I sure felt better afterwards. :)

Me~

Focusing On The Positive....

Yes, there is a lot of bad things happening right now, but I refuse to focus just on the bad. So I thought I'd put together some pictures from the past few days of my 2 littles. I would post pictures of my teenager, but she's too cool to let me take her picture. :D

So that's the bright side. :)

Me~