6

A certain little boy turned 6 on Saturday. A certain special little boy. One who stole my heart the moment he was born. Right before my eyes I've watched him grow into the sweetest little boy I've ever met. He's my little scientist who loves to make things, he's a time traveler who insist on taking his baby sister back to 1985 with him. He can't walk by me without saying "Hi, Mommy. I love you". He loves our alone time when I read his favorite book to him. We're almost finished and he's already planning our trip to the bookstore to get the next one. We had family over Saturday for cake and ice cream and it was a good day. I still can't believe how fast these 6 years have flown by........

Me~

Officially The Mom Of A 16 Year Old Teenage Girl.......

Where do I begin? My kid is now 16. 16, people!!! That's a HUGE milestone!!! I feel like more of a survivor than a Mom sometimes though. Raising this kid has been tough, but so rewarding. She's taught me patience, patience, acceptance and more patience. We only had a small party for her at home with friends and family. She went to a sleepover at her friend's house after the party and I spent most of the night cleaning. Life has pretty much been the same since, except for the fact that she's now 16 years old and growing up faster than I ever thought. Looking for jobs, planning her future, talking about car dates (ohmygawdohmygawdohmygawd!!!!) and focusing on staying on the Honor Roll. WOOT!! She's determined to "prove me wrong and get into a good college. See what I just did? Reverse psychology, people. She has also started talking to a boy that lives the next town over. He has a job. And a car. I am now rethinking that "You have to be 16 for car dates" rule. Should've made it 25. It's only a matter of time before she asks me if she can go on that dreaded first date. Alone. In a car with a 17 year old boy. We all know what 17 year old boys are thinking. All. The. Time. I am now going to end this post and drive to the liquor store for more wine. I'm going to need it.

Me~

Why I Refuse To Join The "Online Dating Club"......

Since I've been single people keep asking me when I am going to start dating and if I plan on joining one of the many online dating sites. My answer is this.......There is NO way in Hell I will EVER join  one of those sites. Ever! Why? Because they're all a scam!! Nothing but creepers on those things. Ok, maybe that's a bit harsh. I'm sure there are a few men on there who are actually looking for "Mrs. Right", but for the most part it's a meat market. Now I'm the kind of person who likes to know what she's talking about so I decided to make a profile and sneak around Match.com to see what's going on. And I was RIGHT! Creepers!! Some of the screen names alone are just horrible. 1Handsomemichael ?? Really, guy? Full of yourself much? This is part of an actual About Me section...

ABOUT HIM & WHO HE'S LOOKING FOR

My life has been full of some pretty hilarious stories. A few conversation starters for our first date: ask me about the time...

An English mafia boss took me to an abandoned warehouse.

or

I almost drowned in 3-feet of water.

or

A fortune-teller from New Orleans nicknamed me the "King of Swords".

or

How I apparently lack the social skills to manage a wood chip factory.

That is not attractive. Not one bit. I think the last paragraph says it all. And then there's this guy....'

ABOUT HIM & WHO HE'S LOOKING FOR

I once ate a guinea pig. I'm not sure why you'd want to know anything else about me, but there's a 200-character minimum, so here goes. 

There was more, but I was too stunned to read on. I just....I don't even know. And his picture was horrifying. God, I am so shallow. Now, this guy's headline actually made me LOL.....

djsmith802

my shirt is on... and its not ed hardy... be honest, have you accepted a date from a dude with no shirt on in his profile pic?

HAH!! Now that was funny. Ladies, please, do not accept dates from guys who do not have a shirt on in their profile picture. They're tools.

I contemplated putting a picture up with some gibberish as my profile just to see what would happen, but I don't know if I'm that brave. Yet. ;) So for now I will just stay single, never go on a date, because apparently every single man on the planet is on these stupid dating sites instead of at the grocery store waiting to hit on me in the produce isle. Life is so unfair.

Me~

I'm A Horrible Blogger.......

I really am. There is no excuse for me to not be blogging. I find myself just sitting down and doing noting if I have a minute. I'm lazy. And the look of my blog is making me want to puke. WTF was I thinking with all this cuteness? It's adorable, I know!! But it just is not me anymore. I've changed so much in the past 9 months. In a good way. I'm able to be myself and not have to really care what anyone thinks about me. So I thought I'd post a few new facts about myself....

• I'm single
• I'm happy
• I'm kinda rude
• I have more patience than I thought I had
• I'm single
• I'm broke
• My favorite color is white wine
• I'm well rested
• I'm perfect
• I tend to lie
• I am a Southern girl through and through and can't believe I'm so rude
• I have a mild obsession with Michael Fassbender
• I'm single
• I eat my kids' leftovers because I refuse to waste food
• I'm addicted to porn
• I want to move. Preferably closer to Michael Fassbender
• My house is a mess, mostly toys everywhere
• I let my ex's OCD do the cleaning every Tuesday when I go to work
• Did I mention that I'm single?

So there ya go. I could go on and on because there is so much new about me but I have some work that I should be doing. Yes, I am at work. Add "Screws off at work just to tweet and blog" to the list. ;)

Me~

Single Mommyhood......

Being a parent is hard, but being a single parent is twice as hard. Not having those extra pair of eyes and hands to help help with everyday things. No one to turn to and say "I've had enough today, you take over for a while." and no one to vent to anytime you just need to let it all out. What's even harder as a single parent is finding people who understand what you're going through. People who get it. So when I stumbled upon the site Single Mommyhood I was thrilled! They're site is full of great advice from real single parents going through pretty much the same thing as I am, and I need that. I'm the only single parent in my group of friends, so they have no idea what I deal with on a daily basis.

If you're a single parent, Mom or Dad, you should head over.......

Me~

So Sick Of The Jolly Fat Guy Getting All The Credit......

I love Christmas, I love shopping for my kids and giving them special toys and I just love the magic of it all. But I gotta be honest, I'm sick of Santa getting all the credit. I actually get a bit jealous. Here I am doing all this work, busting my ass trying to get presents, hide presents and wrap presents and all so an imaginary guy takes all the credit!! Life is so much easier when kids stop believing in Santa. Believe me!! I know. When my teenager was 10 is when she stopped believing and that's only because my BFF's kid took her aside and told her the truth by showing her where his Mom stashed all his presents. -_- At first I was angry, but then I was like "FREEDOM!!!!!!". I don't have to lie anymore. I GET ALL THE CREDIT?!?! Count me in. So now I have years to go before I'm all clear of the big fat lie that is Santa. And I can't wait!!

Me~

I Really Need To Stop Blinking.....

Every time I blink one of my kids reaches a new milestone that I am totally unprepared for. Just 3 weeks ago Lex and I realized that his tooth is loose. This is huge, people!!! Huge!! He hasn't left that thing alone since he realized it was lose. Needless to say, it fell out a few days ago as his Dad was picking him up from school. To say he was excited would be an understatement. He hasn't stopped smiling since. :D

He makes me smile. :) 

Oh, Massachusetts!!!

You're so damn funny with your October snow storm that left me stuck in the house WITH FOUR KIDS because of a giantic tree limb that fell in my driveway and you left me with no power. No power = cold, cold, cold!!! No power also = insanity in my house. My teenager was having a sleepover, so I had TWO teenage girls afraid to pee in the dark bathroom. Thank you, thank you so much for surprising me once again. But, you know what? I still love you and I'll forgive....this once! Cut that shit out from now on though. Because my yard and trees can't take much more damage.......

Me~

Focusing On The Positive....

Yes, there is a lot of bad things happening right now, but I refuse to focus just on the bad. So I thought I'd put together some pictures from the past few days of my 2 littles. I would post pictures of my teenager, but she's too cool to let me take her picture. :D

So that's the bright side. :)

Me~

Getting Back To "Normal"

Or what is considered "normal" now in our home....

Making sure my teenager gets her meds every morning
Making sure the meds are tucked away safely where the teenager can't find them
Trying not to lose my mind
Driving my teenager to various appointments, either for her therapist or group therapy
Helping her deal with her emotions when she feels like she is out of control
Trying not to lose my mind
Keeping everyone as happy as possible as often as possible
Work
Listening to my teenager cry in her room almost every night
Trying not to force her to talk to me
Laundry
Waking up every few hours just to check on my teenager
Trying not to lose my mind
Cleaning
Listening intently to every word my teenager says
Trying not to smother her
Living life as best as I can

Things will get better, I know this, but damn it's hard to be optimistic.

Me~

The Words No Parent EVER Wants To Hear Their Child Say......

"I don't want to live anymore. I just want to die". Those are the exact words my teenager said to me last Thursday. I was heartbroken, scared, angry and of course, confused. She has been doing so well these past few weeks. She's been so happy. Everyday when I'm making dinner she rattles on about her day, how great or bad it was, how great school is and so on and so forth. So when I got a call from the school on Wednesday of last week saying they had heard from the principle of another school that one of their students, her best guy friend, had said that he was afraid she was going to hurt herself, I was floored. There is no way! Not my child. She's happy! But then came the phone call from her school on Thursday. She was in the guidance counselor's office and she was "not doing good". I rushed down there and sure enough, she had told her counselor that she "just wanted to die and she had a plan to kill herself".  It took everything I had not to cry. The counselor then told me that if a student has suicidal thoughts that it's procedure that they be taken to EMH at the nearest hospital. I gathered her and all of her things together and took her to the ER. I had to take Lo with me because I had no one to watch her, not something I wanted to do, but I had to. So there we were, all three of us at the ER talking to various doctors about the situation. Come to find out my daughter's ex boyfriend has been harassing her, having his friends harass her and grope her. This was all new to me. I haven't heard about this kid since the last incident last school year when he got suspended for harassing and threatening her. Why didn't she tell me? How did I not know? Why didn't she trust me enough to tell me??? This is all that kept running through my head while she talked to the doctors. I was stunned. Stunned and sad. I was failing somehow. She doesn't trust me. After the ER doctor walked out to get the paperwork ready for EMH she looked at me and said "You have so much on your plate. I didn't want to worry you", yeah, because my kid killing herself isn't worrisome at all. I just sat there staring at her, because I didn't know who she was anymore. Then she said "Mom, right now, I don't want to live anymore. I just want to die". I stood up and put my arms around her. There was nothing I could say to that, so I just hugged her tightly. That's when Lo looked up from her toys and joined us. She started singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to her big sister to "Make her happy again". I think that made it worse, because my teenager just broke down. I told her that we'd give her a few minutes alone if she wanted, and she did, so Lo and I stood outside the door while she cried her eyes out. Giving her the space she needed was the hardest thing I have ever done, because all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and never let her go again. You see, to me, she is still that tiny 3 year old little girl watching me put my makeup on and telling me that I "was the most beautiful Mommy in the whole world and she is never, ever going to leave me. Ever!" I think all Mothers feel that way.

After a while the EMH doctors came to get her to do an eval. It took all of 10 minutes before two people came out, the psychiatrist and the therapist. Both were in agreement that it would be in her best interest to be admitted as soon as possible. Jesus Christ!!! They wanted me to commit my child?! They went on to say that they were certain, without a doubt, that she would try to kill herself if I took her home. I just hung my head. What do I say to that? I simply said..."Ok. I think it's best" I had to choke the words out, because saying it almost killed me. They planned on transporting her via ambulance, because she was considered high risk suicidal and they didn't want to chance me driving her. It only took about an hour before they had a bed and the ambulance was ready to transport her to the hospital in Natick. I gave her a kiss and set off to grab a few things for her before heading to the hospital. Longest. Drive. Of. My. Life. The place she was at wasn't bad at all. More like a secure hospital wing than a "nut house". We got her all checked in, the nurse said a short goodbye would be best, so we had a chance to talk for a few minutes. This is when I actually got to tell her exactly what was in my heart. "Raven, this is not the end of the world. Things will get better. You are in a safe place with people who can help you, because I obviously can't. Just know that I love you more than life and I would do anything for you. Anything! We are going to get this figured out. And I am always here for you. Always!" She just cried and cried and kept saying how sorry she was. Sorry she wasn't stronger, sorry she didn't tell me about the harassment and sorry she disappointed me. What she doesn't know is that I was the one who was sorry. I was the disappointment. I should have seen this coming. We said our goodbyes and I promised to visit daily until her release.

She's home now. Home and happy, not completely mentally happy, but we're working on that. First thing I did was march right down to the court house and filed for a restraining order. The boy obviously thinks he can get away with this, so I proved to him that, no, he can't get away with harassing young women. Especially my daughter. She feels better about it. She's also promised to talk to someone, anyone from now on, even if it's not me, I don't care, just please! Talk to someone!!

Parents, I can not impress upon you enough just how important it is to be involved in your children's lives. Question everything. Watch for signs and talk to their friends. Even if they look happy and act like everything is fine, still ask. I could have lost my child last weekend and that scares the shit out of me. Yes, I have a lot going on, but that's no excuse. Yes, she hid it well and lied to everyone, but still, somehow I feel like I should have known. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but it's hard not to. I do know one thing, nothing is ever going to be the same after this past week.

Someone Kidnapped My Maid!!!

My house is a freakin' mess!!!! I'm not talking about your run of the mill "I have 3 kids" mess, I'm talkin' I may need Kim and Aggie to come in and straighten my ass out mess. Look, I'm in a rut. I work a lot, I'm worried about money and spiders trying to kill me. When I do have a free minute to actually get something done, well, I kind of just want to sit quietly and pretend that there is no mess. Or I want to just hang with my kids. I don't get to do that very often anymore, so I grab the chances when I can. Wanna know how out of control it's gotten? While putting Lex and Lo down for bedtime (we all lay on the couch together till they fall asleep then I put them in their beds. Hey! It works!!!!) I fell asleep. Woke up an hour later to the sound of someone in my kitchen, sounded like cleaning, but the only other person in the house was my teenager and we ALLLL know that there is NO way she'd be cleaning. But she was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She had emptied the dishwasher, filled it and actually started the dame thing, she had cleaned the counters, the stove, took out the trash and was sweeping the floor!!! I didn't even know what to say, so I just stood there staring at her, then I asked "What are you doing?!", to which she replied "Oh this? This is called cleaning! Isn't that the smartty pants reply you always give me?" Little shit, that's MY line. By the way, I may patent that, so don't steal it. She said that she knew I needed help when the place started looking like an episode of Hoarders. It wasn't that bad!! But the fact that it was bad enough for my teenager, who never cleans a damn thing, to step in and help, made me realize that I am, indeed, not Super Mom like I thought I was. Damn. So here I am, stuck with a mess and I don't know what to do with it. I have started taking baby steps in getting it all sorted out. Yesterday I cleaned the diningroom, including clearing out Lex's hoarding mess. The I swept and washed the floors. I was very impressed with myself. Today I put together the bookshelf I bought the kids, picked the books up off the floor, put them on the bookshelf and added a few nice touches like photos of the kids and a few gargoyles. Because nothing says a kid friendly area like a bunch of gargoyles sitting there staring at them. So there! I've at least started. I will be posting a picture of Lex's room tomorrow. It's, it's just bad. They went in there and destroyed that thing. I blame Lola. And the maid for not showing up when I needed her most. ;)

ALMOST Wordless Wednesday....

I can't just not say something about the pictures I'm about to post, because, ya know, they are pretty damn funny. My son is now in Kindergarten and they're doing all kinds of work. He brings home paper after paper after paper every. single. day! So yesterday I open up his bag and take out the endless amounts of paper and start sorting through them. Then I come across "the feelings book". I open it up and I immediately let out a very unladylike laugh. Here's the first picture......

I don't even know where to start! That is supposed to be a "happy" person, but to me it looks like a troll wearing earrings. Or a spider. I don't even know. All I know is that it is creative and hilarious!!! And yeah, it does look very happy!!! Good job, Lex!!

This one is my favorite. The face is perfectly drawn to express the "sad" look. I asked Lex why he looked like he was upside down and he said "He's sad because he fell". Again.....well done, my boy!!

This is how I feel everyday. All day, everyday. I give this one a thumbs up!!

Now, I know what happened here. This is the last picture and, knowing my son like I do, he got tired of this project and just threw something down. When I asked him why this one wasn't drawn like the others, why there was no body, he replied "I was toooo tiiiired, Mom. It was boring me! Can I have the stapler now? I need to make something". There ya have it! 

He was at work with me yesterday for a few hours after school and, like always, he enjoys making his own projects. He worked on this one for about 20 minutes.......

You can't see it in the picture, but he had stamped the logo of the store all over the bag and papers so "just in case he gets lost people know where he belongs". Now, he spent a good 20 minutes on this and didn't complain once about "being too tired" or "being bored", he's an artist that likes to go at his own pace. :) 

Oh, by the way, since the Orkin Man never showed up and I haven't found a Navy Seal walking around my neighborhood yet, I've taken matters into my own hands......

Take THAT spiders!! YEAH!! On a side note, while I was searching for Navy Seal pictures THIS one came up. Ladies, you're welcome. I don't even know if he's a real Seal or not, who cares?!?!?!

Irrational Mommy Fears.....Part II

I've talked about irrational Mommy fears here before, but now I have a whole new set of irrational fears now that Lex is in full-time school. When I drop him off he has to walk all by himself to his line outside his classroom door. That's when I stand there and wait till he walks in and I know he's safe. Then it starts, the worrying. "What if he needs me and starts crying, then runs out of the class and down the street searching for me, all the while screaming MOMMY!!!!! over and over again?!?!" That's when I have to keep from crying my eyes out. The "What ifs" are never ending. I hate that I can't walk him to his line. I hate that I can't homeschool him. I hate that he doesn't really like going to school. I just hate it all!!! Another huge fear of mine is some kid losing his mind and taking a gun to school and shooting up Lex's kindergarten class. I know that's a bit much, but I think of it almost daily. I have to force myself to not think about horrible things that could happen to my kids. It's just an awful feeling and I know you know what I'm talking about. I actually try not to go too far from town, ya know, just in case. It's ridiculous. I am trying harder to have pleasant thoughts and to not worry so much, but gosh, it's hard. :(

Potty Training....Also Known As Hell In My House

Well, it's time. It's time for Miss. Lo to get with the program and kick the diaper habit. I am a firm believer to let your kids tell you when they're ready, but Lo is head strong and also not a fan of undies. She's a diaper fan. If asked if she wants to sit on the potty, she answers...."Um, no. Not today." then she saunters off to destroy something. We have had some luck this past week when she actually agreed to go diaperless and has actually peed on the potty. I'm consistent, every day when we get home from dropping Lex off at school I ask her to take her diaper off and then tell her to use the potty if she needs to. Here's the problem.....some days she flat out refuses to do it. She will take her diaper off, but then throw a fit to have it back on and she refuses to use the potty. I have no idea what to do about this. She is 3 and all my kids have been potty trained by 3 1/2, but I have a feeling she will be the problem child. And I tell you what, I am all set with diapers. DONE! I don't ever want to buy them again. So I'm a nervous wreck thinking about having her in diapers past 3 1/2. It just can't be that she refuses to use the potty. She knows exactly what it is and how to do it and when she has to go, but she hates it and has said "NO!" The other day she didn't even say no she just went and got a diaper and said "Here. Put this on me." WTH, kid?! I just....I don't know what to do. I don't pressure her, I don't insist she do it, I don't yell, I tried treats and stickers and rewards and well, she is just not having it. So I'm giving up. I will still pull the potty out and take her diaper off, but I won't fight her. I hope she decides to just do it on her like the other two. Because honestly, giving her a treat and saying "Good job, Lo! You're such a good girl!" just makes me feel like I'm treating her like one of my dogs and that's just no good. So feel free to leave your advice or dark humor or just tell me I'm not alone!!!!

Doing It All Myself....Without The Help Of A Man

This will be short and sweet.....the ex came over, he was a bit agitated about the whole divorce and worrying about this and that. The subject of me staying in the house with the kids came up and he said, and I quote!, "I'm not going to be living here but yet I have to come over and do all the yard work and such because there won't be a man around to do it". Oh no he didn't. Oh YES he did. First off, let me start by saying he obviously lost his mind for a hot second and probably wasn't himself. But then it hit me....he has always thought this way. For example, I have said numerous times that I wanted to mow the lawn or do the weed whackin' and he always said "No, no. I'll do it." My ex is insane. Nuff said. So I did what any hot blooded female would do. I went out and did what he said couldn't be done because "there wasn't a man around to do it". I weed whacked the shit out of my lawn. Take THAT ex husband!

That second picture is a picture of my hill that was covered in weeds as tall as a small child. Looks great now. Today will be spent raking and picking up all the branches and acorns that have fallen from that damn tree out front. ;) Damn I love proving people wrong.

The Busy Life Of A Single Mom......Or Am I Just A Slacker?

I know, it's been forever since I've blogged, and I am sorry. Not really. ;) I've just been so damn busy with life, kids, work, dogs and of course trying to catch a shower here and there. Just so you know, I did shower today and I'm blogging in a towel. Didn't want you to think I was a dirty blogger.

ONWARDS!!!

School has started. YAY! We are only into the second week and Lex already doesn't like it. He says "It makes me too tired. Uhhhn!!" Great. The boy would rather sit at home naked doing experiments trying to "blow things up the safe way". Just like his Mom. He makes me so proud. Another great event happened while I was gone. Lex went from this.......

To this..........

Yes, my baby cut all his hair off. ((sigh)) And yes, we donated over a foot of hair to Locks Of Love. I can't lie, I miss his long hair, but he loves it short, he says he's not hot anymore and never wants to have long hair ever again. Yeah, we'll see about that. I'm sure I can guilt him into growing it long again. ;)

The teenager.......where do I even start??? Over the Summer I "forced" her to go to a camp, a special camp for kids with skin conditions. As some of you know she has Alopecia Areata. She has lost almost all of her hair on the back of her head. She's able to cover it, which is great, but it seems to be getting worse. So her Dermatologist and I thought the camp would be a great thing for her to go to this camp. And of course, we all know Mom knows best. Turns out I was right. She had a blast, met new people and came home with a new found confidence. She was all fired up when she got back, saying that people should just accept everyone and be kind to one another. Then she took a picture of her head and posted it on Facebook with the definition of her disorder and said "Let's see how many of my "friends" are really my friends NOW". Good Lord!!! Talk about balls!!! She got a ton of. comments and the amount of support was amazing. Seems that teenagers aren't all jerks like I thought they were. She went to school the next day with a high ponytail showing off her bald spot and everyone was great. She said it was the "best day ever". Honestly, it just looks like a punk rock hair style. Pretty awesome. She's also a Sophomore now and couldn't be happier to pass the "Fresh Meat Freshman" title on to the next unlucky kids walking through the High School doors. Apparently it was "torture". -insert eye rolling here- Always the drama queen. I'm hoping that this is the beginning of her actually growing up. -fingers  crossed-

Me? What about ME? I'm still single and fighting one spider at a time. Alone. I've also decided that I no longer want to date the Orkin Man,  I want a Navy Seal. I'm sorry, but a man in uniform carrying a gun is just hot. And he could shoot the spiders for me! Niiice. I'm gonna get on that plan right away. LOL! In the mean time I will be dodging the spiders and trying not to scream like a girl when one jumps out of no where and scares the shit out of me. Gotta go put some clothes on now and pretend to be busy. 

Being Productive......Or At Least Trying To Be!

Since "D Day" (Divorce Day) started I have barely had time to really clean or organize my house. Things have fallen behind. For example......the fish tank. Those poor fish were swimming in filth. I felt bad, but I literally had no time to clean the tank. It just had to wait. I finally decided on Saturday that I would take the lazy way out and buy a new tank. The old one made too much noise and was leaking, so I got a 10 gallon tank at Walmart  for $30! Got home, cleaned the new one and all the new rocks, then filled it with water, treated it and started the filter. I had planned on letting it run for at least 2 days before adding the fish, but when I woke up on Sunday the old fish tank had just died! Talk about good timing!! So the fish were introduced to their new home. :) Lex was ecstatic and I was glad I had finally gotten ONE thing on my list accomplished. YAY ME!! I then went into the kitchen to hear our cursed microwave beeping away and the number 2 flashing over and over again, so I unplugged that damn thing, put a free sign on it and put it on the curb. You have no idea how happy that made me. My mother gave me that microwave a few years ago and it's been cursed from the get go. I wanted to take a hammer to it just to make myself feel better, but then I knew no one would take it. Someone took it less than an hour after I put it on the curb. People will take anything. Another thing on my list completed.......I passed the curse along. YAY ME!! I hope they enjoy the endless beeping. HAH!

Next on my list is the giant pile of clean laundry sitting in front of my closet. What's wrong with me? I could be doing that right now, but then I wouldn't be blogging and then I would feel like I was letting someone out there down and I just can't do that. ;) So there it sits, mocking me and my lazy ass. Then there's the bathrooms.....I am ashamed to say that I haven't scrubbed the floors in weeks. I've done the 'ol "lick and a promise" (quick floor cleaning with a Clorox wipe and a promise to do better the next day. My Grandmother taught me that. Thanks, Nanny!) but I haven't actually washed them. That's pretty gross considering my son likes to spray when he pees. I've actually had to say "You shake AFTER you're done peeing, not WHILE you're peeing!" So I'm pretty sure it's gross down there. I think the best course of action is to play the lottery, win and hire someone to do it for me, because  I seriously do not see any free time in the near future to be able to get it all done. Sorry, house! You're on your own for a while. I'm going to lay down now and cry. Or not. ;)

Feeling It Now.......Fear

I hate that word.....fear. I've never been one to "fear" anything (other than spiders), but with the divorce finally starting to become real, we're getting ready to file papers as soon as we can figure out what the Hell most of it means, I'm realizing that I am going to be on my own! All alone!! Not only the money situation scares me, it's the not having that extra pair of hands or the extra set of eyes to help keep my kids safe. Lo is at that age where she is starting to just bolt and OMG is it scary!! I was that crazy lady in the pet store parking lot screaming "LOLITA ANN JOLIE!!!! FREEZE! FREEZE!! FREEEEEEEZE!!!" and chasing her around the car. It was not one of my prouder moments. It's moments like those that make me grateful that I didn't let Kevin talk me into "just one more".

I know that somehow, probably with me working my ass off, everything will be ok. And when I say I work my ass off, I mean it. All day, every day. So glad that we are now back on school time, that means the kids are asleep at 8 pm! WOOT WOOT!!! You have no idea how much easier that makes things for me. I was letting Lex have "movie nights" and let him stay up later than usual, like 10pm and then Lo would be up all damn night with night terrors and then I'd be up early and well, you know how it goes. So when I think of being alone, it scares me. When I think of supporting three kids on my own, it scares me. When I think of how many spiders I'm going to have to kill myself, it scares the shit outta me. BUT, that is just how sure I am that I do not want to be married anymore. I'm willing to do this alone. Kinda sad actually, if you think about it. Poor Kevin. He's really not that bad, it's just, well......ok, maybe he is. LOL!! I kid, I kid!! ;) Let's just say that his humor has saved him many times.

I look forward to the end of this chapter and the beginning of the new one, because frankly, I'm kinda sick of talking about "the divorce", being a "single mom AGAIN" and so on. I want to get back to life, blogging more and finally setting up my damn clothes line that's been sitting in my mudroom for weeks! Maybe tomorrow I'll post pictures, something fun. ;)

The End Of Summer.......Which Means.....

IT'S ALMOST BACK TO SCHOOL TIME!!!!!! ((sigh)) It's obvious that I'm a huge fan of school, I mean, who isn't?! The kids are out of the house for 6+ hours a day! It's glorious. I will say though, I had contemplated homeschooling for a hot second, but now that it's just me here and I have to definitely go back to work full-time, there is no way I can do that. So I lay my children's education and future in the hands of the public school system. Let's hope they do a good job. So far so good. The teenager has a 3.8 GPA. YAY! My least favorite part of this time of the year? School shopping. There is nothing I despise more than shopping and I have to do it twice this year. It's torture. Especially with the teenager. Nothing against her personally, but her taste in fashion makes my eyes bleed. Not to mention my wallet. Luckily Lex is easier. I just go and do it. He doesn't get a say in anything other than shoes. Sorry, kid.

So I have two more weeks of a house full of screaming kids and hormonal teenagers. Just two more weeks!! I think I can do this. ;)