January 29, 2012

Why I Refuse To Join The "Online Dating Club"......

Since I've been single people keep asking me when I am going to start dating and if I plan on joining one of the many online dating sites. My answer is this.......There is NO way in Hell I will EVER join  one of those sites. Ever! Why? Because they're all a scam!! Nothing but creepers on those things. Ok, maybe that's a bit harsh. I'm sure there are a few men on there who are actually looking for "Mrs. Right", but for the most part it's a meat market. Now I'm the kind of person who likes to know what she's talking about so I decided to make a profile and sneak around to see what's going on. And I was RIGHT! Creepers!! Some of the screen names alone are just horrible. 1Handsomemichael ?? Really, guy? Full of yourself much? This is part of an actual About Me section...


My life has been full of some pretty hilarious stories. A few conversation starters for our first date: ask me about the time...

An English mafia boss took me to an abandoned warehouse.


I almost drowned in 3-feet of water.


A fortune-teller from New Orleans nicknamed me the "King of Swords".


How I apparently lack the social skills to manage a wood chip factory.
That is not attractive. Not one bit. I think the last paragraph says it all. And then there's this guy....'


I once ate a guinea pig. I'm not sure why you'd want to know anything else about me, but there's a 200-character minimum, so here goes. 
There was more, but I was too stunned to read on. I just....I don't even know. And his picture was horrifying. God, I am so shallow. Now, this guy's headline actually made me LOL.....


my shirt is on... and its not ed hardy... be honest, have you accepted a date from a dude with no shirt on in his profile pic?

HAH!! Now that was funny. Ladies, please, do not accept dates from guys who do not have a shirt on in their profile picture. They're tools.

I contemplated putting a picture up with some gibberish as my profile just to see what would happen, but I don't know if I'm that brave. Yet. ;) So for now I will just stay single, never go on a date, because apparently every single man on the planet is on these stupid dating sites instead of at the grocery store waiting to hit on me in the produce isle. Life is so unfair.


January 17, 2012

I'm A Horrible Blogger.......

I really am. There is no excuse for me to not be blogging. I find myself just sitting down and doing noting if I have a minute. I'm lazy. And the look of my blog is making me want to puke. WTF was I thinking with all this cuteness? It's adorable, I know!! But it just is not me anymore. I've changed so much in the past 9 months. In a good way. I'm able to be myself and not have to really care what anyone thinks about me. So I thought I'd post a few new facts about myself....

  • I'm single
  • I'm happy
  • I'm kinda rude
  • I have more patience than I thought I had
  • I'm single
  • I'm broke
  • My favorite color is white wine
  • I'm well rested
  • I'm perfect
  • I tend to lie
  • I am a Southern girl through and through and can't believe I'm so rude
  • I have a mild obsession with Michael Fassbender
  • I'm single
  • I eat my kids' leftovers because I refuse to waste food
  • I'm addicted to porn
  • I want to move. Preferably closer to Michael Fassbender
  • My house is a mess, mostly toys everywhere
  • I let my ex's OCD do the cleaning every Tuesday when I go to work
  • Did I mention that I'm single?

So there ya go. I could go on and on because there is so much new about me but I have some work that I should be doing. Yes, I am at work. Add "Screws off at work just to tweet and blog" to the list. ;)