Slowing Down.........Going Faster

The holidays are over, the decorations are put away, the kids are still playing happily with the new toys they got for Christmas and my sanity has returned. Kind of. Now I'm in birthday mode. One, two, three birthdays all in the next two months. That's a lot, y'all!! I'm tired just thinking about it. I'm doing low key for Todd's 40th, just family for the teenager's 18th and I'm letting Lex's dad deal with his party. Hey, he gets to claim him on his taxes, HE can pay for it. I got Lo and the teenager. Fair!

I'm thinking about going back to school. I'm done raising babies, they're all in school, so now it's time I focus on myself and our future. I'm excited! Now, if only I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up, I'd be all set! Being a grownup suck.

Me~

Clean Eating.......

I am on a mission to change the way we eat around here, and if you know my kids, you know how hard that is. I'm easy, I like change! I also like that this means I may lose a few pounds. ;) I've decided to try clean eating. I actually started last year, but when money got really tight I had to cheat, now that the kids are in school full time I can work more and I am able to spend more money on food. Clean eating is basically eating fresh food. If I buy snacks I make sure they ingredient list is short, or the snacks be organic. I'm all for organic, but GOD, why the Hell is it so damn expensive? Yeah, you pay for what you get, I know!! Anyway, I like to make sure my fruit, milk, bread, eggs and veggies are organic. Those are things my kids eat every day. Their snacks, well, let's just say that I am still trying to get them into healthy alternatives to Oreos and fruit rollups. :/ I tried buying some organic gummy treats, and OH MY GOD were they GROSS! Lex and I almost threw up! Here's a little hint to all the organic all natural companies out there......you want kids to eat your stuff, make it taste good!!

Dinners.......I make every from scratch, if possible. Mac-n-cheese is a huge hit around here, so I always buy Annie's, and I always use whole grain wheat pasta, or veggie pasta. The kids love the color and I love that there are veggies in them. Don't tell them that though. ;) I try and make sure I offer the kids a lot of foods. If I put a lot of food on the table they think it's a "feast" and they eat, a lot! That makes me happy. Now, if I can only get their father to cook for them when he has them. -_-

Me~

((sigh))

It's one of those days where nothing is going right. Dogs are sick, Lex is begging to stay home because he hates school, Lo is being very needy and it's the first day of Spring and we're covered in snow. I need sunshine, quiet, more cleaning materials and healthy dogs. I am trying to look forward to the happier days that I know are coming, but it's hard when everything piles on top of you at once. So what I am going to do is this, get off the computer, clean my house, give my dogs some medicine to help with the out of control diarrhea, give Lo some school work to do and then sit down and regroup while I fold laundry. Let's hope this day gets better and not worse.

Me~

Saving Money........

Picture from Camp Wander blog where you can grab the recipes for all sorts of goodies :)

I've had it with buying things that I can make myself. I started with cleaners. I stopped buying them! I make my own with vinegar and Dr. Bronner's Sal Suds. Works wonderfully, too, I might add. Now, on to detergents. I did the math (not really) and I can save myself a ton of money by making my own. I spend at least $40 a month in detergents alone. That's dishwasher and laundry detergents. I just spent $30 at Walmart on supplies to make my own, and it should last me a year. I will keep tabs on that and let you know exactly how long it lasts. I'm hoping this works out well. I have three elderly dogs and I'm doing laundry every damn day!! I'm not even kidding. Puke towels, pee towels, cleaning rags.....it's tiring, and expensive. If I had been smart I would have had them put in the divorce papers that my ex pay for the laundry! It's mostly the two older dogs who he had before we met that are making the messes. Getting old sucks.

So here I am, sitting in the kitchen, blogging, making my own soap and I can't help but feel like I should be singing Kumbaya or something like that. Seriously! Who am I?! ;)

Me~

Blah, Blah, Blah....

Let the spewing begin!!! We are still looking for a new place to live, no luck yet though. Very hard to find a place that will take three dogs. I refuse to let my ex put them in a shelter. One thing I regret about the divorce, not making him agree to actually taking the dogs to live with him. He was crafty though and put that he would take responsibility for them. -_- So yeah, I'm going to keep looking. They deserve to live out the rest of their lives in a home, with us, family. :)

We are hoping to find a place far away from where we are now, preferably in a town with a better school system. Don't even get me started on that. Lex is having a hard time, the teenager is having a hard time and no one seems to know what the Hell is going on. I want so badly to pull Lex from school and homeschooling him myself. Yes, it's that bad. I know I could do a better job, but taking him out of school and away from his friends at the almost end of the year seems unfair. He may like it, who knows! Lo is looking forward to kindergarten. We've been doing our own learning here and out and about. I signed her up with abcmouse.com and she loves it. :) I'm teaching her the alphabet, numbers, shapes and we're working on fine motor skills. We'll see where she's at when they do kindergarten screening.

I think I may have my plate almost full at the moment. I'm keeping myself busy with several projects. One is, of course, working at the store more just waiting on Boss Lady's baby. Any day now. :) The second is my photography. I got my website up and running, threesphotography.com. Now I'm selling Arbonne. I've been using it for a few years now and I love their products. I have gotten a few friends hooked on it already, so I might as well sell it.

I'm currently obsessed with pallets. Palletspalletspallets!!!!! I have two outside just waiting for my loving hands to make them in to something beautiful. Just waiting for this snow to melt and some warm weather. I feel like I will never be warm again. -_- I am so done with winter.

Me~

Sloooooowly But Suuuuuuuurely Looooooosing My Miiiiiiind.......

I've got too much on my plate. I'm losing my mind. There. I said it. My man thinks I'm Super Mom, but I am failing, miserably. I am behind on the dishes, laundry and cleaning. Granted, I've been working a lot, but this has never been a problem before. I think I need to adjust to having him living with us. It's kind of throwing me off. I have one extra person in the house who needs/wants/loves spending time with me as much as the others. So, just to clarify, I have 3 dogs, a kitten, 3 kids and now a man and they ALL want to spend time with me or need something from me. :) I have a full house and a full heart. I just need to get a new, newer schedule going. Getting a maid would be much easier, but I don't see that happening any time soon. ;)

Me~

When It Rains, It Pours....

I hate being negative, so I won't be. Let's just say that it's been raining and pouring all over my life lately. Ex lost his job, which means we lost our health insurance, so of course Lo gets a yeast infection and of course my teenager's meds cost $140 dollars and of course I fell down the stairs and can barely move. I am begging the universe to please, please, please keep everyone healthy. PLEASE!! I can deal with my back, I can scrape by and borrow money for the teenager's meds and I can keep Lo's yeast infection from getting worse, but anything else, well we just can't afford that right now. You know, health insurance was something I kind of took for granted. I mean, I was very grateful for it, I knew we were lucky, but I never in a million years thought I'd be without it. Never! Just goes to show you that anything can be taken from you in the blink of an eye. So now, I sit here thanking the universe that my children aren't deathly ill and need constant medical attention, or tons of meds. We're very fortunate that it's minor things, and I hope to keep it that way. :)

Me~

And Then.......Reality Set In....

Seems like yesterday everything was "normal" and the biggest problem I had was "which one do I get the kids for Christmas? An XBox or a Wii". Now I'm all like...."HOLY SHIT MY EX LOST HIS JOB!!" My main source of income was child support, and now I'm not even sure when and if I'm going to be getting any. I am not working full-time just yet because Lo isn't in school and we couldn't afford preschool or daycare, so we decided that I would stay in the house and live off the child support until she was in kindergarten. Now it looks like we're going to have to figure something out. I know what you're saying right now..."Your ex isn't working, make him watch Lo while you work!". I wish it were that easy. He was in the radio business for 20 years and he was very, very popular. Right now he's trying to figure out where he wants to be, he's meeting with people every other day and he's working on putting together a demo to send out to radio stations and agents. So yeah, he's not just sitting on his ass. We're hoping he isn't out of work for too long. 

So for now I'm just trying to keep my hopes up and not worry too much. Worrying never solved a damn thing. I started working on my photography website last week. Very hard to do at home because my computer is trying to die on me. NOT YET, COMPUTER!! NOT! YET! After I get the website looking halfway decent I'm going to make up some cards to pass out. So yeah, anyone need a photographer? Will shoot for food. ;) 

Me~

How Long Do I Have To Raise The Teenager?

Seriously, how long? She can check herself into the hospital without my consent. Her doctors don't have to tell me a thing about what's going on in her medical life. She can go behind my back and get pregnancy tests and STD tests and I can't say a thing about it. Well, I could, but legally I don't have the right to anymore. BUT, I have to deal with all her drama, attitude and mood swings. I'm not gonna lie, she has gotten a lot better since she started taking her meds regularly, but still, she's a teenager. A teenager with mental health issues. A teenager that thinks she's grown, but can't even do her own laundry or cook herself a meal without almost setting the house on fire. So yeah, she's a handful, to say the least. As far as getting her help goes, we're doing our best. Not easy when our insurance only covers certain doctors in certain towns, and those doctors aren't accepting new patients. Oh, and get this......she's still considered a child, so she has to see a pediatric psychiatrist. It's frustrating, it really is. Some days I just want to scream. Other days I actually find myself thinking that she should live with her grandmother if she hates me so damn much. Not that I would ever let that happen, but when you feel so helpless and beaten down by your own child, then you tend to think negative thoughts. Yesterday, I wanted to clean the porch so we could eat out there again, and the whole time out there I cried. I just let it all out. Weeks of stress and trouble with my teenager just flooded out of me, and it felt good. I've decided to do that more often, cry it out. I tend to hold things in, stand strong and don't let anything get me down. Sometimes though, I think it's best to let it out. I sure felt better afterwards. :)

Me~

I. Am. Exhausted.

I'm changing my name to Ms. Exhausted Casey A. Between work, the house, the kids, the pets, hospital visits, more work, laundry and breathing, I have no time at all to myself. I am only able to update right now because Lo is sick and I'm sitting here watching her sleep peacefully and hoping she wakes up feeling better. School hasn't even started yet and we're already battling nasty bugs. Wonderful. It seems that I just can't catch a break lately. One thing goes right, five other things go wrong. Found out last week that someone stole my identity and used it to run up a $1,500 heating bill and a $600 electric bill. Luckily my ex is a nice guy and kept everything in his name until I get things figured out. What a flippin' mess. My new man and I have been talking about him moving in within the next month or so. That is wonderful and very exciting. Again, one good thing happens and then I got dumped on again. My teenager had an episode two weeks ago and Todd and I had to drive her to the ER where she checked herself into the hospital. Now that she's 16 I'm pretty much only needed to sign papers and pay the co pays. No one would tell me anything at all. Nothing! Todd and I sat in the coldest room ever just waiting for them to find her a bed in the psych ward. It was horrible. She was the one who finally told me that she stopped taking her meds. ((sigh)) If she hadn't of told me I never would have known! So, FYI, if your kid is 16 the doctors don't have to tell you shit! Anyway, I went to visit her every day she was there until she checked herself out. I think being on the adult ward freaked her out. She's been home and has been taking her meds regularly. Let's hope it stays that way.

So yeah, life is hectic. Wonderful, but hectic. My teenager is on the mend, school starts soon, I still love my job, my ex and I are getting along nicely, and my new man is becoming a huge part of our lives. Life is good.

Me~

Where HAVE I Been?!?!?

I haven't been blogging, that's for sure! I've been so busy with life that it's been impossible to sit down and blog. Since there's so much that has happened I will throw it out there like this.......

• Divorce papers have been signed
• D-Day is next Tuesday, then we have to wait 6 months before it's final
• I will not celebrate our divorce, I think that's tacky
• The kids are growing up...16, 6 and 4 now :)
• I'm dating someone, someone awesome! And it's a very good thing ;)
• I haven't cut my hair in almost a year, and I'm going gray a LOT faster
• I am working more at the pet store and loving it!
• I plan on starting my own photography business soon.
• I'm exhausted almost all the time now, and I look it
• My niece passed away after fighting for so long. Glad she is at peace, but missing her so damn much
• My family is healing. Very slowly, but we're healing
• My teenager isn't doing well....again. We're working on it
• My goal is to have her happy and mentally healthy just in time for collage.....hopefully
• The Ex and I are getting along well. He's happy with his girlfriend and that's a good thing
• I plan on blogging more. I promise :)
• I finally got my clothes line up. Nothing fancy at the moment, but I'm working on it
• Trying to save money and energy is a pain in the ass
• All in all....life is very good. :)

There's so much more, almost too much crammed into my head. I need to get it all out.

Me~

Why I Refuse To Join The "Online Dating Club"......

Since I've been single people keep asking me when I am going to start dating and if I plan on joining one of the many online dating sites. My answer is this.......There is NO way in Hell I will EVER join  one of those sites. Ever! Why? Because they're all a scam!! Nothing but creepers on those things. Ok, maybe that's a bit harsh. I'm sure there are a few men on there who are actually looking for "Mrs. Right", but for the most part it's a meat market. Now I'm the kind of person who likes to know what she's talking about so I decided to make a profile and sneak around Match.com to see what's going on. And I was RIGHT! Creepers!! Some of the screen names alone are just horrible. 1Handsomemichael ?? Really, guy? Full of yourself much? This is part of an actual About Me section...

ABOUT HIM & WHO HE'S LOOKING FOR

My life has been full of some pretty hilarious stories. A few conversation starters for our first date: ask me about the time...

An English mafia boss took me to an abandoned warehouse.

or

I almost drowned in 3-feet of water.

or

A fortune-teller from New Orleans nicknamed me the "King of Swords".

or

How I apparently lack the social skills to manage a wood chip factory.

That is not attractive. Not one bit. I think the last paragraph says it all. And then there's this guy....'

ABOUT HIM & WHO HE'S LOOKING FOR

I once ate a guinea pig. I'm not sure why you'd want to know anything else about me, but there's a 200-character minimum, so here goes. 

There was more, but I was too stunned to read on. I just....I don't even know. And his picture was horrifying. God, I am so shallow. Now, this guy's headline actually made me LOL.....

djsmith802

my shirt is on... and its not ed hardy... be honest, have you accepted a date from a dude with no shirt on in his profile pic?

HAH!! Now that was funny. Ladies, please, do not accept dates from guys who do not have a shirt on in their profile picture. They're tools.

I contemplated putting a picture up with some gibberish as my profile just to see what would happen, but I don't know if I'm that brave. Yet. ;) So for now I will just stay single, never go on a date, because apparently every single man on the planet is on these stupid dating sites instead of at the grocery store waiting to hit on me in the produce isle. Life is so unfair.

Me~

I'm A Horrible Blogger.......

I really am. There is no excuse for me to not be blogging. I find myself just sitting down and doing noting if I have a minute. I'm lazy. And the look of my blog is making me want to puke. WTF was I thinking with all this cuteness? It's adorable, I know!! But it just is not me anymore. I've changed so much in the past 9 months. In a good way. I'm able to be myself and not have to really care what anyone thinks about me. So I thought I'd post a few new facts about myself....

• I'm single
• I'm happy
• I'm kinda rude
• I have more patience than I thought I had
• I'm single
• I'm broke
• My favorite color is white wine
• I'm well rested
• I'm perfect
• I tend to lie
• I am a Southern girl through and through and can't believe I'm so rude
• I have a mild obsession with Michael Fassbender
• I'm single
• I eat my kids' leftovers because I refuse to waste food
• I'm addicted to porn
• I want to move. Preferably closer to Michael Fassbender
• My house is a mess, mostly toys everywhere
• I let my ex's OCD do the cleaning every Tuesday when I go to work
• Did I mention that I'm single?

So there ya go. I could go on and on because there is so much new about me but I have some work that I should be doing. Yes, I am at work. Add "Screws off at work just to tweet and blog" to the list. ;)

Me~

Single Mommyhood......

Being a parent is hard, but being a single parent is twice as hard. Not having those extra pair of eyes and hands to help help with everyday things. No one to turn to and say "I've had enough today, you take over for a while." and no one to vent to anytime you just need to let it all out. What's even harder as a single parent is finding people who understand what you're going through. People who get it. So when I stumbled upon the site Single Mommyhood I was thrilled! They're site is full of great advice from real single parents going through pretty much the same thing as I am, and I need that. I'm the only single parent in my group of friends, so they have no idea what I deal with on a daily basis.

If you're a single parent, Mom or Dad, you should head over.......

Me~

Getting Back To "Normal"

Or what is considered "normal" now in our home....

Making sure my teenager gets her meds every morning
Making sure the meds are tucked away safely where the teenager can't find them
Trying not to lose my mind
Driving my teenager to various appointments, either for her therapist or group therapy
Helping her deal with her emotions when she feels like she is out of control
Trying not to lose my mind
Keeping everyone as happy as possible as often as possible
Work
Listening to my teenager cry in her room almost every night
Trying not to force her to talk to me
Laundry
Waking up every few hours just to check on my teenager
Trying not to lose my mind
Cleaning
Listening intently to every word my teenager says
Trying not to smother her
Living life as best as I can

Things will get better, I know this, but damn it's hard to be optimistic.

Me~

Feeling It Now.......Fear

I hate that word.....fear. I've never been one to "fear" anything (other than spiders), but with the divorce finally starting to become real, we're getting ready to file papers as soon as we can figure out what the Hell most of it means, I'm realizing that I am going to be on my own! All alone!! Not only the money situation scares me, it's the not having that extra pair of hands or the extra set of eyes to help keep my kids safe. Lo is at that age where she is starting to just bolt and OMG is it scary!! I was that crazy lady in the pet store parking lot screaming "LOLITA ANN JOLIE!!!! FREEZE! FREEZE!! FREEEEEEEZE!!!" and chasing her around the car. It was not one of my prouder moments. It's moments like those that make me grateful that I didn't let Kevin talk me into "just one more".

I know that somehow, probably with me working my ass off, everything will be ok. And when I say I work my ass off, I mean it. All day, every day. So glad that we are now back on school time, that means the kids are asleep at 8 pm! WOOT WOOT!!! You have no idea how much easier that makes things for me. I was letting Lex have "movie nights" and let him stay up later than usual, like 10pm and then Lo would be up all damn night with night terrors and then I'd be up early and well, you know how it goes. So when I think of being alone, it scares me. When I think of supporting three kids on my own, it scares me. When I think of how many spiders I'm going to have to kill myself, it scares the shit outta me. BUT, that is just how sure I am that I do not want to be married anymore. I'm willing to do this alone. Kinda sad actually, if you think about it. Poor Kevin. He's really not that bad, it's just, well......ok, maybe he is. LOL!! I kid, I kid!! ;) Let's just say that his humor has saved him many times.

I look forward to the end of this chapter and the beginning of the new one, because frankly, I'm kinda sick of talking about "the divorce", being a "single mom AGAIN" and so on. I want to get back to life, blogging more and finally setting up my damn clothes line that's been sitting in my mudroom for weeks! Maybe tomorrow I'll post pictures, something fun. ;)

I Just Had An Epiphany!

Now that Kevin is no longer living at the house I can do whatever I want!!! Like.....put out a clothes line. I love hanging my clothes outside to dry, Kevin did not. He hated it. He wouldn't even listen to me when I told him how much energy and money we'd save. Nope. He wanted none of it. Well now I'm going to hang my clothes out. And if he sneaks in some of his dirty clothes (which pisses me off since his girlfriend should be doing it. WTF am I? A maid?) I will hang them outside, like it or not. HAH! Another thing I plan on doing all the time..............wearing sweatpants.....everyday.....the same pair. Who cares?! My kids just want me to wear pants, they don't care what kind of pants. I like to wear my hair in a bun on top of my head. Kevin always said I looked like the Alien Queen from Aliens. Jerk. Now do you see why we're getting a divorce? By the way, I told him about this post and he laughed and said "While you're hanging your laundry out back will you be playing the banjo and wearing a wifebeater?" (-_-) He thinks it's funny, but once I clear out that junk drawer of his and put all my tampons in there he won't me laughing. ;)

Halloween Decorating, But No Apple Picking

This weekend was supposed to be our annual family apple picking weekend. Saturday we were going to go apple picking, Sunday I was going to bake all day and the MAN and the kids were going to decorate. Rain had other ideas for Saturday and the MAN got a call saying that he had some extra work ready for him for extra money but it had to be done before Monday morning. -_- I was so disappointed!! This means that we'll have to go without him next weekend. Why without him? Well, because the MAN puts together a pretty big horror convention here in town every year for the past 5 years. At first it was great. We only had Raven and loads of time and money to devote to putting that thing together, he would have to be out of town 5-6 times a year then gone all that weekend, and most times Raven and I would be with him. It used to be fun! Then came Lex. Less money, less time. He wasn't gone as much, which was great, but I rarely went with him. Actually, I never went! I was home with BOTH the kids. So he manned up and only went away 3-4 times a year promoting his convention. Big step! Then came Lola. He only goes away ONCE a year now, maybe twice and he takes Lex and Raven with him. HUGE step! I love it. But that means that our weekends are limited as to when we can do our family apple picking weekend. Seems like it's either been raining or he's had work. Work, work, work!! I told him to cut back this month because we're so busy, but he's become addicted to working more and more for more and more money. Guess I can't blame him. Christmas is right around the corner and even though we already started shopping we still have a lot to buy. HELL! The teenager is gonna cost us an arm and a leg! o_O She just wants a Visa card with money on it, but I can't just get her that! There are things I want to buy her. So when he says he needs to work, I bite my tongue and smile.

Yesterday the kids and I decorated the house for Halloween. Lex had fun! He kept saying..."Now let's DECORATE!!" LOL!! Speaking of Lex, I'm pretty sure he's night time potty trained as well. We put pull-ups on him at bedtime but it's been dry every morning so far. He wakes up and goes straight to the potty. YAY!!! So much cheaper. LOL!!! Hope I didn't just jinx that!! O_O

Lots to do this week. Nothing today, but the rest of the week is filled. Work tomorrow, haircut Wednesday,shopping/cleaning/picking my Mom up/packing our weekend bags Thursday, Friday we'll be helping the MAN and doing lots of swimming at the hotel pool. Lola will be here with my Mom, Lex, Raven and I will be staying with the MAN at the hotel and then apple picking Saturday. -_- I hate it when my schedule is full! Can't wait for next week!

A New Home

This is my new home.......blogger. It'll be about me, my kids, my husband or crazy life and a journey through my very last pregnancy. It won't always be pretty, but it will be honest and fun. I'll post about the things I love, products I can't live without, the horrors of raising 3 kids, the joys of raising 3 kids, the ups and downs of marriage and best of all......ME!