September 24, 2014

Trying.....Trying So Hard

It's been a very tough few weeks for me. I just can't seem to get ahead. I am walking around in a daze, over sleeping, making my kids late for school and you know, I just don't feel like myself. I had a panic attack last week and the groomer in the shop thought I was having a heart attack. "You know, Nina, 40 is not too young to have a heart attack",  "You're freaking me out, Lynda!!! Go away!!!" I didn't yell that, but I wanted to. So I did some "research", meaning I googled heart attack. Not a heart attack, just a good 'ol fashioned panic attack. Man that was so scary.  I don't like blaming others for my problems, but this is all the teenager's fault. As much as I want to help her, see her succeed, be a great mom to her daughter, I just can't deal with her drama. You see, my life is a drama free zone. I'm 40, not 20, I don't need nor do I want that shit around me. And boy is her life nothing but drama. She feeds off of it. So, as much as it pains me to do this, I am cutting my daughter out of my life until she can get her shit together. I will not drive 45 minutes out there to take her shopping. I will not buy her daughter anymore clothes because her ex-boyfriend is a POS and refuses to give her the baby's clothes. I will not lose one more nights sleep because of her. She has chosen this path, she can walk it alone.

I know what you're thinking...."What a terrible mother! You never turn your back on your child! Ever!" Just shut up. Some times tough love is the best way to go. I'm making her do this on her own. She has got to do it. I refuse to help her. That child has put me through hell the past 5 years and I just won't deal with it anymore. Once it started affecting my health, it's time for me to go. So yeah, I'm leaving her to her own devices. I'm letting her figure it out on her own, because there is only so much I can do. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I'm done here.


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