I've said it before, now I'm saying it again...I could write a book and fill it with all the embarrassing things my kids say or do. Just re-reading this post makes me wanna cry. But, I'm a pro at this by now, so I just keep on truckin'! Things happen. Kids say or do things that I can't control. There are situations that I can't control either. Just this morning something happened that reminded me of a mortifying incident that happened a few months ago. It was a regular Saturday night. The hubs was out working, Lola was sleeping, Lex and I were about to watch a movie and the teenager had a friend coming over. As Lex and I were sitting on the couch getting ready to watch our movie the teen walks in and starts talking about something or another. She sits down, on the remote, and the channels start changing at a rapid pace. Lex is freaking out because our movie had just started, the teen is trying to get up and I'm trying to reach under her arse to get the damn remote! I grab it, start pushing the "exit" button to make it stop switching channels and that's when it happens. It stops on a porn channel. Now, you have to order the porn for it to actually be playing, but the name is clear as day right there for my young teenager to see......."Foot Long Black Dong". Yes, you read that right. She's staring at it with a looks of "WTF?!?!" and I'm frantically trying to change the channel. No such luck. The damn remote picks that exact moment to act like an ass and it won't change. This is kinda how it went....
ME: "DAMN!! CHANGE ALREADY!!!"
TEEN: "EW! MOM!!! What?!? OMG!!! EWWW!"
LEX: "MOOOOOOOMMMMMAAAAA! Our MOOOOVIE!!!! Come on!!!"
ME: "WTF is wrong with this damn remote?!?! C'MON!!!!!!!!! CHANGE!!"
TEEN: "I think I'm gonna be sick. That is SO gross! Grown ups are SOOO gross! EWWW!!!"
-_- -insert dying here- The thing finally changes to the right channel leaving the embarrassing words behind, but forever imprinted on my young daughter's mind. Things finally calm down, her friend shows up and Lex and I start our movie over. End of story. Right? WRONG! A few weeks later I go into her room to change her sheets, I put on a fresh one and notice there's writing on the damn thing. I lean in to read what it says and I'm shocked! Just shocked! You probably guessed by now what it says.....that's right. Written in permanent black sharpie are the words. "Foot Long Black Dong" on my 14 year old teenage daughter's flowered sheets. When I asked her why she would do something like that she replied "I would never do that! She did it! -insert other teen's name here-! I told her what happened and she thought it was hilarious and wrote it on my sheets". I just shook my head and walked away. End of story. Right? WRONG!!! Lex has been sick for the past 2 days and I have been making a little sick bed on one of our couches for him to lay on. I like to cover them with a blanket or a sheet so as to prevent the spread of ick. This morning while I'm folding laundry he sits up and says "Mom. There's words on SisSis's sheet. What does this say?" Oh my gawd. No. Please say it ain't so. Yes, I forgot about the writing on the sheet and used that particular sheet to cover my little man's sick bed with. ((sigh)) I walk over, pretend to read the horrible writing and say as calmly as I can. "This says..."Teenagers are idiots". He laughs and laughs and I walk away trying not to laugh. For now that is the end of the story, but I'm pretty sure there will be plenty more embarrassing Mommy moments to come.