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February 19, 2010

The MOST Embarrassing Mommy Moment Ever!

I am the Mommy of 3 wonderful children. Raven is 14, Lex will be 4 soon and Lola will be 2 in June. But to say that parenting has been a "pleasure" this entire time would not be the entire truth. I was a single Mother with Raven, so I took her every where with me.......even the public restrooms. This is where I learned that you can not control life. Things will just happen. When she was almost 3 I took her to the mall to buy some new clothes. Nothing new, she went with me every where! I don't know what happened on this trip that changed her, but something happened. I remember that we were at the shoe store, I believe it was BAKER'S, when she said she had to pee. No biggie! We were in full force potty training and I was used to the frequent bathroom trips. While I was helping her potty I realized that I had to go, too. So when she was done I said to her...."Raven, I have to use the bathroom, too. So please just stand there while I go." This was nothing new to us. We had done this a million other times and she was such a good girl!!! This time, not so much. She started talking about things that made me blush!! There were other people in there and she was talking about "the color of my undies, the way my pee sounded, why I was hovering over the toilet and not sitting on it, why my butt looked SOOO BIG, why did my pee stink so bad, and why was my butt bleeding?!?!?!?!" Oh my f'ing gawd I wanted to die. I could hear the other women laughing. It was horrible! That's the day I truly became a MOMMY!

Fast forward 11 or so years. Now, I KNOW that it's coming......the inappropriate bathroom talk. But nothing can prepare you for it. Just yesterday I took my darling son to Chuck-E-Cheese's while my teenager got her hair done. Of course while we were there he had to use the bathroom! I went with him, helped him out, but then the sight of him urinating made me had to go, too. I looked at him and said...."Lex, Mommy really needs to use the bathroom, too. Can you please come with me and wait while I go?" He, of course, is more than willing to do ask I asked him to do. While I'm doing my business he's standing there staring at me, which I'm used to, but then he moves to the rear of me and is staring at my behind! I said..."Uhm, Lex, what are you doing? Please come stand by the door." which he replies as loudly as he can "WOW!! Mommy!! Your BUTT is peeing!!! But don't worry, there is no poop or blood coming out of your butt. Just pee!!!" -_- Oh joy!! Did I mention that it's school vacation here and the place was packed?!? Honestly though, it didn't bother me as much as it did the first time Mom washing her and her little girl's hands. HAH! The look was priceless! I just kept thinking......"You just wait. Your daughter is only 2. Wait till she's 3 and she's not only purposely testing you but she's also talking about your vagina in public. I just smiled and said....."Kids! They really do say the craziest things!!" We washed our hands and left Chuck-E-Cheese and I was never happier.

I know there are more embarrassing things to come and I'm ready for them! My husband? Not so much. :) He'll survive though. Just look at me, I survived. And believe me when I say that my teenager said some pretty crazy things when she was little.

4 thoughts:

Denise said...

I laughed out loud at your post, because I think we've all been there. And it's not only that they say these things, it's how loud they say them!

http://www.denisemalloy.com/

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

LOL! I don't even have children and I have an embarrassing potty-training bathroom story.

Okay, so a bunch of our family got together and went to Disneyland. One of the mothers had two children - a newborn and a toddler. The toddler announced that they needed to pee, but the mother was nursing the newborn, so she asked me to take the toddler.

I was so panicked about not getting to the bathroom fast enough that I wasn't paying much attention. We flew to the bathroom, NO LINE, WHAT A MIRACLE, and into a stall. The toddler did their business and then I asked the toddler to stand there while I did mine. I mean. We're already there, right?

Well, the toddler was at eye-level with the door latch, and I guess it was just too tempting, because there I am doing my business when all of the sudden the stall door flies open.

By then, a line had built up. In front of the urinals. Which is how I found out that I'd mistakenly run for the men's room. Pissing publicly in front of a bunch of strange men. Ah. Life. You really do never know what you're going to get.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

Mom, Wife, Nina said...

Denise, YES! They practically SCREAM it for all the world to hear!! Hilarious. :)

Sarah, my gawd.....that WAS bad! You poor thing. I just laughed out loud at that!! Reminds me of a story my feriend told me. She took her daughter, who was 4 at the time, on a road trip to visit family in Maine. My friend, Michelle, has IBS. Well, she HAD to go. So they stopped at a rest area but the ladies room was out of order. She was desperate, so she checked the men's room and it was empty, so she went in. While she's in there her daughter, of course starts talking about her Mom's business when all of a sudden the door opens and in walks about 5 guys. My poor friend had stunk up that bathroom and her daughter would not sotp saying.."Mommy!! Gosh your poop stinks! Are you done pooping? This isn't the girl's room, you know!" Needless to say it took my friend every ounce of courage to open that stall door, walk to the sink and wash her hands. LOL!! She said the guys just stood there staring at her, but didn't say anything. But when she walked out she could hear them cracking up. LOL!!!!

Moooooog35 said...

The most disturbing part here is that you WASHED YOUR HANDS at a Chuck E. Cheese.

Why?

You miss getting at LEAST half the random viruses if you do that.

The more you know.