April 7, 2009

I'm A Horrible Mother :(

I've been so stressed lately with my Mother staying with me and her problems. Then add a teething 10 month old and a very willful 3 year old and you have a disaster just waiting to happen! happened. Lex and I took the dogs out this morning and he was chasing them, as usual, and trying to kick them :( then he wouldn't listen to me and thought it was funny. I was seriously losing it at this point. So I let the dogs in and went to take Lex's hand to bring him in. He took off. -_- He took off anf ran to the fron to ring the doorbell. Not a big deal usually, but it was raining really hard and very slippery outside and I could see it happening....him slipping and falling down our hill. :( I got so scared and angry at the same time and ran after him to stop him. He didn't fall, thank goodness, but I was still angry that he didn't listen and took off. I spanked him. 4 times. :( I shouldn't have, and felt horrible as soon as I did it, but I couldn't let him see that just then. I put him in time out while I went to cool down and came in and hugged him, told him I loved him and that when Mommy says STOP, to STOP! No running away!! He was crying, I was still shaking and just feeling like a horrible person. We sat together for a few minutes, I held him and told him that I loved him SOOOO much.

Seriously.....I hate this. 3 is wonderful age, but it's so difficult. I need to learn to calm down, breathe and to control my temper. I hate, hate HATE spanking. HATE IT!!!!

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