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February 9, 2010

Irrational Mommy Fears

When I first became a Mommy I swore up and down that my daughter was going to die of SIDS. My fear was so great that I would jerk awake, walk over to her crib and if I couldn't hear her breathing, I'd wake her up. She was, in fact, always breathing and would be extremely annoyed when I woke her up. But it made me feel better to know she was alive, so I kept doing it.

Then came Lex. With him I always had the fear of him falling/me dropping him. LOL! I would clutch onto him like my life depended on it! He practically lived in the Baby Bjorn and when it was time to take him out I would sit down on the floor and take him out, you know, just in case he fell. :D If Kevin was holding him and tried multitasking it would freak me out. I'd take him from him and put him down very gently on his playmat or crib. Crazy, right?

You'd think I'd relax a little with the 3rd one, but no, it's only gotten worse. When Lolita was born she looked just like me. I mean, exactly like me. Then as time went on she changed.....a lot. We thought that her eyes would change from dark blue to brown, but they didn't. They got lighter! Now they're light blue. We thought her dark hair would get a little lighter, maybe light brown, but no......it's a reddish brown. So of course my biggest fear is that one day someone is going to knock on my door and say...."We're sorry, but the hospital gave you the wrong baby and we're here to take her back". O_O It crosses my mind every time someone says..."Oh wow! She looks nothing like you!" -_- Yes, I know, but she's MINE!! The truth is, she looks exactly like Kevin's Mom, who passed away a month before Lola was born. We have a picture of Kevin's Mother hanging in our living room and people can't get over just how much Lola looks like her. But still.......I have that irrational fear that someone is going to come in and say we have the wrong baby and take her away. Just sitting here writing this is hard. I'm getting all choked up! I'm afraid someone is going to take my baby!!!

I really hope I'm not alone here. I know it's silly, but I can't help myself. Every time I start thinking about it have to redirect myself...."Stop it. Go brush your teeth or sweep the floor!!". I told Kevin about it and he just looked at me like I was nuts. And I probably am!! But what parent hasn't thought morbid thoughts about their kids? It's normal, right? I sure hope it is!! :) My oldest is (almost) 14 and I still have irrational fears about something bad happening to her. So to all the new Moms out there, don't worry.....you're not alone. And no, it never goes away. :)


2 thoughts:

CaraBee said...

I do it all. the. time. A thousand times a day, little nightmares (daymares?) run through my head with the worst possible scenario. Falling down the stairs, electrocuting herself, drowning in the tub, running into the road, and on and on. It's enough to make you think you're crazy. Truthfully, though, I think it's normal.

Mom, Wife, Nina said...

Oh! There's another one I have about Lex. Every time Kevin and I go out I'm horrified when we drive up to our house because I'm afraid that I'll see Lex standing outside alone, crying. :( It's horrible.